Quotes

Marriage automatically translates into a legal binding and loss of freedom. No wonder, they are commitment-phobic

The word commitment can make the sanest of men shudder and the mention of marriage is enough to drive a man out of a relationship in a jiffy. So what is it about this social institution that has men break into a sweat?

?Commitment for men is a oneway street towards marriage and the thought of being married to a person for the rest of his life is scary for s guy. It?s not so much commitment phobia, but marriage phobia that affects them. Once commitment is on the table, marriage is an impending side dish. So no matter how much evidence you provide to the contrary, commitment can seem to be too binding for men,? says psychologist Dr Varkha Chulani.

For most men, the first thing that strikes them when they think of commitment is loss of freedom. The thought that they may lose the independence of being able to do what they want, scares them.

Fashion designer Rocky S. says, ?It is a liberating experience to grow out of our parent?s protection. Single men love knowing that they have their own domain to themselves. They can go home when they want, stay up late as long as they like and leave their room in a mess. Anything goes. And the thought of commitment threatens this freedom.? Actor Rahul Bose couldn?t agree more. ?Women tell men to do exact- ly the same things they thought they grew out off. Marriage, to men, rep- resents a legally binding contract that states we have to obey a dictum. No wonder marriage scares us, it?s reality. It?s the world telling us to grow up. It is the same thing that the world told us when we were kids, but then we had to listen,? he exclaims.

Moreover, for single men who think that they can have any woman they want in the world, marriage comes as a rude shock. It ends many options.

Theatre personality, Alyque Padamsee says, ?It?s not really a man?s fault. Society has reared him this way. He feels that he has to spread his proverbial seed around. At the same time, society has taught women to mate for life. In this confusing state of affairs, man tries his best to please everyone. Men date for many years, almost always faithfully and then choose to live in a state of limbo about the future, never discussing it nor exploring any possibilities, so as to remain in an ignorant bliss. It has always been like this for men. Marriage has always been touted as the death of all possibility.? Even when a man starts to warm up to the idea of com mitted relationship, he starts off with some form of denial. It?s natural, say experts.

?Men use denial all the time, it?s perfectly natural. For example, a man might say ? I am not going bald, I just shaved my head because I wanted to look like Bruce Wills or I could buy a sports car, but it?s just not eco-friendly. Men don?t want to admit that they gave in to something they didn?t want in the first place. They ignore certain obvious facts and build up nice little ideas instead. It is best to let them be and sink into the idea eventually. Commitment surely is a big deal for guys, a major leap,? says Dr. Chulani.

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